Squaliformes
by Friglit
Summary: You and Squalo had always had a... strange relationship. In all honesty the tone had been set within the first five minutes of meeting each other when you threatened him with that stapler... a Reader X Squalo drabble series
1. Chapter 1: Crossing Paths

_So yeah, this series was started as a 121 prompt drabble challenge on Quizilla, but I wound up getting quite attached to it so I decided to bring it over to fanfiction. The drabbles will be reader self inserts (i.e [Name]/you X Squalo) and size will vary from very short to that of one-shots. Genre will also vary from drabble to drabble and __**there will be no coherent timeline**__ with regards to when each individual drabble is set. E.g one might by TYB, the next TYL and the next somewhere in the middle before skipping back to TYB. Get it? Good ^^_

_Anyway hope you enjoy!_

**Disclaimer: I do not own KHR nor any of the characters. Nor am I getting any money for any of these drabbles. This is a works of shits and giggles only.**

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**Crossing Paths**

Wrinkling your nose, you gazed around the city that was to be your new home. To be honest, you weren't quite sure what to make of it. Oh sure, the place was certainly pretty enough, but rumour has it, it was crawling with Mafia.

"..."

Or then again, that might just have been your old colleagues trying to scare you.

...Yeah, that sounded more likely.

Letting out a soft snort of amusement you gently shook your head, dispelling your misgivings. How stupid to let your friends teasing get to you.

Grinning to yourself, you briskly strode in the direction of the police station, your head held high. This was your chance at a fresh start. And you were going to make the most of it, rumours be damned.

As you moved through the crowds, lost in your musings, you failed to pay attention to what was going on around you. It was only as your shoulder clipped someone in passing, that you realised your error.

"Voi!" snarled the man, swinging round to glare at you, his long, silver locks whipping about his lean frame. "Watch where you're going!"

Shooting an irritated glance over your shoulder, your resisted the urge to flip the rude bastard off. As you were in uniform, you figured it might be kinda unprofessional.

Eyeing your outfit with distaste, said bastard, shoved his hands into the pockets of his long, leather duster and turned away with a condescending sneer, muttering;

"Fucking cops."

... you were guessing shooting him would _also_ be frowned upon.

Damn.

Shaking your head in disgust, you continued on your way, your good mood slightly soured.

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_Squaliformes:__ Just to explain the title of this series - squaliformes are a specific group of sharks (characterised by 5-7 gills, for more info see Wikipedia). No this is not the same type as his box weapon (which as far as I can see is a great white) but considering the name, I couldn't resist using it for this drabble series ^^_

_You know, ironically, these drabbles started out as a Xanxus series, but for some reason when ever I tried to write him, Squalo would come barging in screaming 'VOOOIIII!' until Xanxus threw a glass at his head and stalked off in a huff. Stupid shark... So needless to say, now said shark has his own drabble series (until I can stockpile enough booze to bribe Xanxus back anyway...)_

_Squalo: Vooooooiiii! I'm much better than my shitty boss any day!_

_Friglit: T.T Just keep telling yourself that..._

_**Reviews help feed starving authors. And rabid sharks.**  
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	2. Chapter 2: First Moments

**First Moments**

The first time that you can recall meeting Squalo face to face... was rather memorable to say the least.

The day had started badly – you had slept through your alarm courtesy of the damn neighbour's dog keeping you up all night with it's incessant barking. Then the thermostat on your shower had decided to break, leaving you to be drenched in icy jets, mid shampoo. _All_ of your uniforms just happened to be in the dirty laundry (damn you and your household chore dodging ways...). Oh, and your personal favourite, when you had _finally_ made it in, it just _had _to be the day that the big boss (and I'm talking top of the food chain here – the _Chief of freaking Police_) decided to pay a visit to find out exactly how you were getting on as a new addition of the homicide division (_only_ something you had been angling for since you had joined the force at 18...) All of which naturally culminated in you earning a severe dressing down.

"_Officer [Last Name], if you cannot cope with the hours required by this division, perhaps homicide is not the right place for you!"_

It had taken a lot of grovelling to stop him from kicking your ass out the door right then and there. And, just to rub a little salt in your wounds, after he had finally taken his leave, you had been assigned to desk duty for the rest of the day as punishment.

Life was peachy, no?

If that wasn't enough to drive you to contemplating mass murder, then the fact that you had been forced to spend the _last four hours_ trying to write the same report, while some idiot that your colleagues had picked up dripping with blood just yards away from a murder site (one that you were lamenting not being at) yelled his head off.

Had you cared to think about it, you might have paused to wonder why someone who was _so clearly guilty_ had not been carted off to the cells. Or why instead people seemed to be treating him with respect and thinly veiled fear. And had you cared to listen to the low murmurs of your gossiping colleagues you might have overheard the hushed whispers of _'mafia'_ and _'Varia'_.

As it was however, you were too busy seething about your bad luck to bother questioning, or indeed noticing anyone else's odd behaviour.

"VOOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!"

The twitching of your left eye increased. There it was again. That. Same. Damned. Noise. The bastard had been shrieking the same phrase every 10 minutes since he came in.

Suddenly, something snapped within you. Enough was enough. That idiot had picked _the wrong damned day_ to piss you off!

Face twisted in a bloodthirsty grimace, you jerked upright so fast that you sent your chair tumbling over backwards behind you, pausing only to snatch up your stapler before stalking over to where the commotion was coming from. Kicking open the door to the office, you surveyed the scene before you through slitted venomous eyes.

"[N-name]?" gasped the detective behind the desk, startled by your dramatic entrance and the aura of violent intent that swirled around you.

Ignoring the comment, your searching gaze swept quickly past him to the two men sitting opposite.

"Voi!" spat the one with blood matted, long silver hair, his blue eyes glinting dangerously in your direction, "what the hell do you want?"

Your homicidal aura spiked at the utterance of the same phrase that had been driving you crazy all afternoon.

"_You!__" _you hissed, stepping forwards, immediately dismissing his well dressed companion (who bizarrely appeared to be decorated with small pieces of dead animal... but whatever) as you focused on your prey. Said prey opened his mouth to reply, an irritated, confused expression twisting his features.

Determined not to give him another chance to scream out something else, you darted forwards and gripped the collar of his leather jacket in a white knuckled fist.

"You," you breathed again, bringing your face down so that it was scant inches from his own (now sporting a deliciously startled look). "If you don't _shut the hell up_ I am going to take this," you paused mid sentence to brandish your trusty stapler threateningly in front of his face, "and shove it so far down your throat you'll be shitting staples. Capiche?"

Message delivered and not in the least bit interested in waiting to hear his answer (or for your boss to finish choking on his tongue long enough to fire you for that matter), you promptly released your captive, spun on your heel and stalked back out of the door.

Had you looked back, you might have noticed the amused bloody orbs that flickered from your form as it stomped away to settle tauntingly on his companion.

As it was you had just about made it back to your desk before;

"VOI! What the hell!"

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_Ah, and just to explain why Xanxus is at the police station - basically Squalo screwed up and let himself get lifted after completing a hit. Xanxus is there (reluctantly) to pick him up and sort things out (read - scare the crap out of everyone and make sure all evidence is 'lost')_. _:D_

_Ah don't you just love hate-at-first-sight? ^^_

_On a side note to explain my updating: I already have a good quantity of these published on Quizilla. I plan to put them up here a few at a time. I might have a regular schedule later but for the moment I just want to hang back and see what people think of these two starter ones._

_Let me know what you think!_

_**Reviews = love**_


	3. Chapter 3: Understanding

_A huge thank you to everyone who have reviewed so far! So I'm thinking that I'll probably update this fic 2 or so drabbles at a time, okydoky?  
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**Understanding**

It several days after the 'incident' at the office that you finally understood the exact insanity of your actions when your newly assigned partner, in an attempt to educate you, had dumped a pile of thick files on your desk and demanded that you look through them.

"... Mafia..?" you gaped, starting down at the man you had threatened bodily harm on, eyes sweeping disbelievingly over the photograph, taking in his arrogant posture and the smug sneer that adorned his handsome face before settling on the name printed below it.

_Superbi Squalo__** (1)**__._

"Yep," grinned the-sadist-you-called-a-partner, "and it wasn't just any Mafioso you insulted. He was _Varia_."

Seeing your blank look, the male groaned and slapped a hand to his forehead.

"That's bad, [Name]. Very bad."

Turning back to gaze at the photo, you blanched slightly.

Well shit.

"And that's not all!" cooed the irritating officer next you as he shoved yet another file under your nose, this one opened to reveal the picture of a scarred, dark haired individual glaring at the camera, his expression a strange mix of disinterest and irritation. A sinking feeling grew in the pit of your stomach as your you realised that he too looked familiar, your eyes settling on the assortment of feathers and racoon tail that decorated his jagged locks.

"You didn't just insult Superbi Squalo, you did it in front of his boss!"

"..."

Dear God, _why_ did he sound so happy about that?

Your wide, terrified eyes gazed down at the file tagged only with the single name 'Xanxus' as slowly the possible consequences of your rash actions began to sink in.

You had managed to spectacularly insult not only _one of the most feared mafia figures in the country_, but you had embarrassed him in front of his superior...

"I'd be surprised if there wasn't a hit out on you already!" your partner sang over his shoulder as he moved back to his own desk, leaving you to stew in the knowledge that you had more than likely just signed your own death warrant.

Letting out a small, pathetic whimper, you allowed your head to slam onto the file in front of you.

Oh yeah. You were totally fucked.

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_**(1)Yes, I am aware that as this piece is written in English, and set in Italy, the name should really be Squalo Superbi... but it just sounds so wrong damn it .**_


	4. Chapter 4: Friendship

_Hooray for flamboyant gay men! Gotta love Lussuria!_

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**Friendship**

Bizarrely enough, the expected hit never came. (Although you did spend weeks glancing nervously over your shoulder thanks to several _comforting_ comments from your partner.) Instead, in an unexpected twist, you found yourself with a new friend.

A very flamboyant, brightly coloured, gay friend.

You blinked in bemusement as the Varia sun guardian dragged you down the street after him by your wrist as he continued on his grocery shopping trip, babbling over his shoulder inane things about some kid called Ryohei.

Apparently word had gotten back to the Varia base about how you had treated Squalo (much to the amusement of the other members) and a very tickled Lussuria had decided that you were 'just too cute' and decided to adopt you.

You were still debating whether or not this was a good thing. Here's what you had come up with so far:

**Cons**

1) You seemed to be given little choice about spending time with him. Even when you were supposed to be working. Like now. Not good for winning points in the office...

2)He was mafia. You were a cop. 'Nuff said.

3) Your boss was likely going to kill you if he found out, for both of the afore mentioned reasons...

**Pros**

1) You're pretty sure he was the only reason you were still alive...

Hmm... considering you were kinda fond of living, you were guessing that overall, pros won out...

"...and I really can't see why Squ-chan**(1)** is still so wound up about the whole thing."

"Hmm?" you murmured looking up to meet your new friend's gaze, tuning in at the name of your would-be assassin. "What was that?"

Lussuria let a knowing grin flash across his face (much to your confusion...).

"I was just saying that I really don't know why our dear sword master is still so angry. If anything he really ought to be thanking you~ " the green haired man beamed.

"Thanking me?" you asked with a perplexed look.

"Mmm-hmm," the Varia member chuckled, flashing his teeth in a wide grin, "You see, your little stunt amused our boss enough that instead of shooting Squalo for his screw-up, he just threw a couple of glasses at his head instead (After telling us all what happened of course)."

Slowly you blinked as you tried to absorb what had just been told to you.

"Your boss... throws glasses at you?" you asked slowly, sure that you must have misheard.

"Oh no!" gasped the flamboyant man, shaking his head emphatically, "almost never at _me,_" he corrected. "I never do _anything_ to upset him! He just generally throws things at Squalo."

Huh. Well that was a little weird. Sure the guy was loud. And annoying. But throwing glasses at his head seemed a _little_ over the top. Then again, they were the mafia. And if the alternative is a bullet, then maybe a glass isn't so bad after all.

Still mafia or no, you _did_ know what it was like to have a boss that clearly hated you, so (much to your disgust) you couldn't help but feel a little sorry for the silver haired Varia member...

... until you remembered that he wanted to kill you. Then you suddenly wished that Xanxus had thrown something a little more robust than a glass...

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_**(1)Again, use of Japanese term here is deliberate. I just see Lussuria as the kind of guy that would like referring to his colleagues by the term 'chan'...**_

_Fail! Sorry for butchering your character Lussuria... you're too damn hard to write D:_

_A/N: Yes, that was a hint of Ryohei/Lussuria there (love that pairing! ^^)_

_Pshhh, silly [Name], everyone knows that throwing things is how Xanxus shows he cares! 8D *Totally isn't a closet Xanxus/Squalo shipper at all... nope! .;... .;_

_So these last two were pretty short ones, but there are some longer ones coming up a little later on_

_**Reviews help feed starving authors ^^**  
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	5. Chapter 5: Betrayal

_Wow! What a fantastic response! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'll do my best to get the next drabble-shot up asap to make up for this one being so short... _

_Just to reiterate – while there is a chronological timeline for all of the events in these drabbles, the drabbles themselves will dodge about, so while they have all pretty much gone in a straight line thus far, this wont always be the case. With that in mind don't worry if I seem to have missed out a big gap between drabbles (like this one and the last) as chances are the interim period will be explained at a later date _

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**Betrayal**

The first time that you fell into bed with Squalo, you blamed it on a deadly mix of alcohol and anger – a drunken argument that had quickly gotten out of hand and evolved into something... else...

The days following you swore blind to yourself that it was a mistake that _should never happen again_. That you just had been too inebriated to realise what (or more precisely _who_) you had been doing.

But that was a lie.

Because deep down, you remembered the truth.

That you knew. Even as you lay, pinned to the large double mattress of the bed, your wrists caught above your head in an iron grip, your legs locked around his muscular hips, his teeth scraping the soft skin of your neck as he roughly thrust into you, _again _and _again_, until you screamed his name.

You knew exactly what you were doing.

You knew that you were betraying everything that you stood for.

And that somehow, you didn't give a damn.

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_It may only be light smut, but I despair at the fact that I only made it to the fifth drabble before my inner pervert took over. Still start as you mean to go on and all that..._

_Inner self: You call that smut? D: _

_Friglit: It's only drabble 5! Your not even supposed to be out yet! Get back in your damn closet! *throws laptop at head*_


	6. Chapter 6: Questioning

_I decided to get this one out so early to make up for the last one being so short_

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**Questioning**

It took three months of your illicit liaisons with the Varia member before it even occurred to you that you had never seen where he lived. For whatever reason, whenever the two of you met to... relieve a little tension... it always ended up back at your place.

Not that you cared or anything. It's not like the two of you were dating. God no. He was a criminal after all. Just one that you happened to sleep with from time to time. Nope, definitely Not dating (with a capital N).

You were just curious. After all, who _wouldn't_ want to see where top members of the mafia lived?

The problem was that you didn't know how to ask him about it without sounding... girlfriend-y. And you were definitely Not his girlfriend.

Luckily you inadvertently got the answer to your question when a particular job brought you to the outskirts of the city, where you by chance, bumped into your Not boyfriend.

"Voi! What the hell are you doing here?" he yelled on spotting you, quickly gripping your arm and yanking you down a back ally.

"I'm _working_, you ass! What are youdoing here?"

Squalo grimaced lightly before reluctantly holding up a large, clinking carrier bag.

"Our shitty boss ran out of booze..." he grunted, his tone sour, causing you to crack up.

"Bwahahah! He sent you out to pick up his shopping for him? You are totally his bitch!"

You were laughing so hard that you missed the angry growl that the swordsman let out, only startled from your mirth when you felt yourself being roughly slammed against the nearest building, his mouth meeting yours in a bruising kiss, the bag of bottles dropped forgotten on the ground.

Well, there _were_ worse ways for him to assert his masculinity. Smirking contentedly you wound your fingers into his silky hair and allowed him to sweep you away in his lust.

It was only when you were interrupted by a loudly conversing couple that you were brought back to your senses long enough to realise that being seen up a dark ally, getting hot and heavy with known mafia member whilst _in your police uniform_ was perhaps not the smartest idea. Pushing your partner away with a frustrated groan, you did your best to straighten yourself out and look like you had not just been kissed senseless.

From the snarled curses and vicious look that Squalo sent to the intruders, you guessed that you were not the only one regretting the interruption.

"I live near by," the silver haired man informed you in a husky voice, his heated gaze leaving you with no ambiguity about the offer.

_Bingo_.

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The next morning, you awoke swathed in satin sheets, lying, sprawled comfortably on a king sized bed. Allowing your lips to curl into a satisfied smile you gave a languid stretch.

Oh you were so going to his place more often.

That feeling of contentment lasted for around ten minutes before the door to Squalo's bedroom burst open and shattered your peace.

Glancing up startled, you watched dumbfound as a "Ushishishi" – ing blonde raced into the room, several strange scalpel-like knives clutched between his fingers.

"Come back here you little brat!" blinking in bafflement, you turned your head from the creepily laughing intruder to watch as your Not boyfriend also exploded into the room waving his sword over his head and his face twisted in an expression of fury.

"Ushishishi! Princes don't obey orders from commoners!"

The next thing you knew, the shark had let out a bellow of rage and you were caught in the middle of an all out battle between two elite Varia members.

Not your favourite way to spend the morning, it has to be said.

Later on that day, while you were sat at your desk, doing your best to ignore the blatantly curious and sympathetic looks your colleagues were shooting your cut and battered from, you swore vehemently to yourself, that would be the last time that you ever stayed at Squalo's place. Ever.

Some answers were better off unknown.

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_Moral of the story - Varia mansion - not a good place to try and relax. Or you know, stay alive._


	7. Chapter 7: Blood

_To give you an idea of where this drabble fits in, it's shortly after drabble 4 and quite a bit before 5 and 6._

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**Blood**

Gun shots rang in your ears as you crouched behind the car, seeking shelter from the deathly rain of bullets. Squeezing your eyes shut, you tried not to think of the dead body of your partner where it lay the centre of the street, his cold form riddled with bloody holes. Grief could come later, right now you had more important things to think about. Like staying alive.

Angrily pulling yourself together, you carefully peeked out from round your makeshift shield towards the opposite side of the road, where several rough looking gang-members stood. The thugs laughed amongst themselves as they continued turning the (somewhat expensive you couldn't help but notice) car you were hiding behind into scrap metal.

Swearing softly you glanced down at the still lightly smoking gun in your hand. So far you had managed to take out a couple of them, but you were now down to your last bullet and grossly out numbered.

'_I'm fucked.' _The realisation hit you like baseball bat to the stomach.

Still, you had to love the irony of the situation. You had spent the last month _certain_ you were going to be the unfortunate victim of a mafia hit. Then, when (largely thanks to Lussuria) you were _finally_ beginning to believe you might just live to see your next birthday, you get caught up in a shoot out with some criminals who had a beef with your partner.

Gotta love that cosmic humour. Not.

But you'll be damned if you were going to die crouching in the gutter. Better to go out in a blaze of glory and all that.

Clenching your teeth together, you had just finished scraping together the last of your courage, ready to make one last glorious stand, when a loud voice from the end of the street interrupted your macabre thoughts.

"Vooooiiii!"

Your eye's snapped open in horror.

It couldn't be... Seriously. Of all the people to find you, him? The one guy that actually _wanted _you dead? That was just too cruel...

But sure enough, as you cast your eyes in the direction of the shout, there stood the one man that you had been trying like hell to avoid. Superbi Squalo.

Said shark stood grinning manically in all his black leather glory as he gestured towards the scowling gang members with his sword.

"Don't you shit-heads know that this is Varia territory?" the silver haired man sneered.

"Yeah?" grunted who you were guessing was the 'leader' of the motley crew. "Says who?"

"..."

Somehow the fact that that was the best retort he could think of made this situation all the more embarrassing...

Squalo's sadistic grin widened.

"I do," he all but purred, before abruptly sweeping his sword round to point in your direction. "Oi, bitch!" He addressed you without taking his eyes from his intended targets. "You stay put and keep the hell out of my way. I'll deal with you after I've finished with these losers."

And without any further warning, the sword-master launched his attack.

In all honesty, you knew that you should have taken the chance to run like hell in the opposite direction, you know _away _from the blade wielding psycho. But instead you found yourself riveted, an awestruck expression on your face as you watched him work, his moves an intricate dance of flashing metal and crimson blood.

So _this_ was what people meant when they spoke about Varia quality...

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_Because no drabble series would be complete without Squalo doing that super-cool Varia "I'm here to save the day, but only because I am that awesome and I quite like the idea of ripping these morons to shreds and not at all because I am actually one of the good-guys or give a shit about what happens to you" thing that they always do ^^_


	8. Chapter 8: Bond

_What's this? I've written something vaguely fluffy? *Le gasp!* The apocalypse is nigh!_

_And a big thanks to everyone that has taken the time to review – particularly my anonymous reviewers as I can't reply to you lot privately. It's you guys that keep me publishing this! Also I would like to take the time to thank J for being a particularly devoted reviewer. I think you've reviewed every single chapter to date! You rock! XD_

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**Bond**

You stared blankly at the man that lay groaning on your couch, a box of tissues clutched firmly in one hand.

"... Why are you here again?" you asked as you eyed him sceptically.

Considering the fact that the two of you were still definitely Not dating, it was a given that the _only_ time Squalo would show up at your door was when he was making a booty call (not that you were objecting about that arrangement, hell, far from it!). However as you took in the dark circles that ringed the shark's eyes, the shiny red nose and the look of utter misery on his face, you were beginning to reluctantly conclude that this time, he might actually have different motives behind his impromptu visit.

"Voi! Isn't it obvious woman? I'm sick!" the Varia member snapped irritably at you, his voice thick with congestion.

"And what? You expect me to play at being your nursemaid?" you asked dryly as you folded your arms beneath your breasts, an un-amused expression gracing your features.

Stifling a groan, the swordsman pulled a pillow over his head.

"God damn it. Just let me sleep," he whined, his voice dangerously close to pathetic.

"And you can't do this at your place because...?"

Squalo pulled the pillow down far enough to aim a weak glare in your direction, the effect however, was somewhat diminished by the fuzzy white cushion cover that still shielded the lower half of his face.

"Have you tried to sleep with people throwing shit at you every time you close your eyes?"

Recalling the incident with the blonde nut-job (that you were still a little pissed about) you conceded his point. Somehow the Varia headquarters didn't seem like the ideal place to be when you were incapacitated.

"... and besides," the shark continued, his voice dropping to a sulky mumble, "stupid shitty Xanxus didn't want me infecting anyone else..."

And there was the real reason he was here. His damn boss had thrown him out and now you were left to deal with the consequences... Lovely.

Rolling your eyes, you let out a defeated groan.

"Fine," you sighed, "you can stay. But don't expect me to take care of you. I have plenty of better things to do."

A muffled grunt from behind the pillow was all the agreement that you were given.

Shaking your head, you turned to snag your keys from the table top before heading out the door, grumbling about stupid sharks and invasion of privacy.

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Despite fully intending to have nothing to do with the invalid that had taken up residence on your couch, somehow when you dropped by the supermarket to pick up some groceries, various pieces of cold medication found its way into your basket.

Not that you cared that he was sick or anything. But the sooner he got better, the sooner he could leave and you would get your apartment back. It was just good sense, that was all.

"Let me guess" laughed the cashier as she scanned through a box of vapour rub, tossing it to land in the sizeable pile of cough syrup, decongestant tablets and tissues at the other end of the till. "Boyfriend with man-flu?"

"Something like that," you sighed, quirking a smile in return, not bothering to explain that he was Not your boyfriend, man-flu or no man-flu.

However when you arrived back home some hours later to find said man snoring lightly on your couch, and were overcome with the sudden urge to grab the blanket from your bed and drape it over him to stop him getting cold, before heading to the kitchen to start making that chicken soup that you had just so happened to purchase the ingredients for... you began to think that perhaps you needed to re-asses this whole Not dating thing...

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_Could it be that [Name] is finally beginning to let go of her denial? Shock horror!_

_And yes: a) Squalo totally has man-flu (for anyone unfamiliar with this phenomenon; man flu is any normal type of illness that __somehow_ _magically becomes X100 worse when caught by a man)_

_b) Xanxus threw Squalo out so that he wouldn't have to deal with the rest of the Varia catching man-flu (and he really didn't want to get sick)._

_c) besides, Lussuria complained that Squalo was getting blood all over the couch whenever Bel attacked him because he was too ill to dodge properly_

_I'm not really sure why, but for some reason this is one of my favourite drabble-shots in this series. I guess the idea of Squalo (or really any Varia member) with man-flu just amuses me ;D_

_**Reviews = motivation ;p**_


	9. Chapter 9: Innocence

_Yeah, so I've had to give up on trying to explain exactly how Squalo and [Name] got together,( all my plot bunnies seem to be for later on) but I'm sure you can use your imagination. Who knows, maybe a bit further down the line I can dodge back and explain things in more detail._

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**Innocence**

You never really thought of yourself as 'innocent'. After all, your job pretty much brought you up close and personal with the darkest aspects of human nature. It was impossible to deal with the things you did day in and day out and remain innocent, right?

But as you sat, pale faced and shaking before your boss's large, intimidating desk, reluctantly meeting his disappointed stare, you knew that you were wrong. You had been innocent. So very innocent.

Biting your lip to stop it from trembling, you allowed your teary gaze to drop shamefully to the large, colourful photographs that lay before you. All different scenes, but all with the same content.

You.

And Squalo.

Together.

Swallowing past the lump in your throat, you gingerly picked up the top copy, showing the two of you intertwined in a highly intimate embrace. Below it there was a picture of you making a hasty getaway from the Varia mansion.

Or perhaps innocent wasn't the word. Perhaps naive was the more appropriate term. You had been naive. Naive to think that things could continue to go on as they had been. To think that your two worlds would never collide.

"Officer [Last Name], please hand in your badge and your gun."

Oh how wrong you'd been.

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_Sorry for the bit of angst there. I'm not hugely into it, but with a drabble series as long as this one I figured that I may as well mess around with different genres.  
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_A huge thanks to everyone that has reviewed so far! You guys are fantastic! Have a virtual cookie for your trouble ;D_


	10. Chapter 10: Breaking Away

**Breaking away**

"_Think about what I'm offering you here, [Name]. The chance to redeem yourself. To keep your __job__. Would you really throw all that away for a scumbag like him?"_

You stared contemplatively at the miniature microphone that twiddled lazily between your thumb and forefinger.

...

Would you?

A few months back the answer would have been obvious. Hell the answer should _still_ be obvious... After all, you had never been the kind of girl to bend over backwards for anyone. It was even a source of pride for you that you had never put a man before yourself. You were too _independent_ for anything like that. You came first. That's how it had always stood in relationships. Always.

So what you _should_ be doing right now is standing in front of your boss saying 'Yes sir. Yes I will happily wear your wire, waltz into the Varia mansion and get you the evidence you need to go after the biggest mafia families in Italy.' Sure it would be dangerous, but when has that ever stopped you.

Yeah. That's what you _should_ be doing. And yet here you were. Sitting in your apartment (one that you sure as hell couldn't afford if you don't keep your job...) staring at the tiny piece of technology that represented your dilemma.

Your days of living a double life had ended. Your worlds had collided and if you wanted to make it through this storm you had had to choose. Which one would you keep and which would you cut away?

On one hand, a good, decently paid, exciting, respectable job where you actually got to make a difference to the world. On the other, a loud mouthed, egotistical criminal.

No contest, right?

But for some reason, every time you had made your decision your mind flew back to those passionate nights spent together. To the raw thrill that ran through when you saw him at work. The fierce delight that you obtained from your verbal spars. The butterflies that erupted in your stomach whenever you set eyes on him. The strange comfort you drew from his presence.

No so very long ago, you had been forced to admit to yourself that perhaps your relationship with Squalo had evolved from the purely physical one it had started out with. But hell, that didn't mean you were in love with the guy or anything!

...

Right?

...

Why did your chest tighten at that thought?

_Which to choose..._

_

* * *

_

_And yet another little spoonfull of angst. I do appologise - but I felt that last drabble really needed a conclusion to it, so still one or two more drabbles to go to finish off this section of the story, and then we will be angst free, I promise! I Also appologise for the lack of Squalo in these last two - he'll be in the next one I promise! .  
_


	11. Chapter 11: Letting Go

_Another continuation from the last drabble. Also while I would still very much like to thank everyone for taking the time to review I'd like to stress that I update as and when I can so please be patient between chapters. (Just to clarify, saying you'd like a quick update in a review is fine, but please don't leave me multiple reveiws/messages asking for me to hurry up). Anway hope you like the next installment ;D_

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**Letting Go**

"Hey!" growled Squalo, a huffy scowl on his face as he shoved open your front door and stalked into your apartment. "Why the hell aren't you picking up your God damn phone? I've rung seven times already!"

Biting back a frustrated groan, you closed your eyes and counted to 10, trying your best to stay calm. He really was the last person that you wanted to see right now. Which was exactly why you had been dodging his calls. But of course the stubborn bastard couldn't take a hint and give you your space.

You supposed you ought to be grateful that he hadn't started screaming.

"Squalo," you hissed through clenched teeth. "I can't deal with you right now. Get out."

"What?" squawked the shark indignantly. "What's your fucking problem? The hell have I done?"

**SNAP**

The thin vestiges of your patience breaking was so intense it _must_ have been audible.

"What's my fucking problem?" you seethed, whipping around to face the sullen swordsman. "I'll tell you what my fucking problem is!"

As you ranted, your voice increased in pitch until you were shrieking.

"My problem is that I have just lost my job, and it's all because of you!"

You punctuated that last remark by hurling the small recording device (that you had still been clinging morosely) at his face, causing him to swear loudly and lift his hand to snatch said device out of the air before it shattered against his skull.

Apparently having Xanxus throw glasses at your head on a routine basis worked wonders for your hand eye co-ordination.

"What the..." he trailed off, his anger dissipating as his gaze settled on the wire.

A tense silence fell between the two of you as he stared grim faced at the piece of machinery in his hand.

"..."

"They asked you to spy on me."

The way he said it wasn't really a question, more a statement of fact. You answered it anyway.

"Yes!" you snarled as you picked up another item to throw violently in his direction (a cup, later cleaning of the shards would reveal). "Yes they asked me to bloody well spy on you! And you know what I said? NO! For God only knows what reason I said no! And now I have no job and no way to pay my rent, which means pretty soon I'll have no fucking home. And it's all because of you!"

Cold blue eyes stared at you, burning with some unidentifiable emotion.

Rage? Sorrow? Guilt? Fury? All of the above?

At this precise moment in time you didn't care to ponder it. Instead you busied yourself with venting your frustrations by hurling every available object at Squalo's person as you continued to berate him.

Spitting a curse, the silver haired Varia member dodged the onslaught of crockery and household appliances, before darting towards you.

Your temper tantrum was brought to an abrupt halt as your boyfriend threw you bodily into the wall, pinning your flailing limbs with his own.

"Will you just shut the fuck up already?" he demanded while he glowered down into your scowling face.

"Wha..."

Grunting his annoyance at your stubbornness, Squalo cut off your protest by capturing your lips in a domineering kiss.

Finding a new way to channel your rage, you responded with equal fervour.

As much as it hurt to admit it, you had made your decision. It was too late to go back. Time to let go of that other world. You didn't belong to it anymore.

As his hands released their bruising grasp on your wrists to fumble with his belt buckle, before eagerly hefting your legs up and wrapping them around his waist, you dimly supposed that perhaps this new world of yours wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

_Friglit: Hey, if I was hitting that *points at Squalo dressed in a sexy santa outfit* I wouldn't be complaining about __anything__._

_Squalo: *Eye twitches violently as he stands looking highly unimpressed in revealing santa costume*_

_Dino: Why is he..?_

_Friglit: For fanservice, why else? _:D

_Dino: Ah...*Edges away looking disturbed*_


	12. Chapter 12: Darkness

_Eheheheh... *scratches back of neck* so... yeah, I need to appologise for sounding so snarky about update pleas last chapter... I have just proven that I actually DO need them to remember to update this fic... sorry about that! Will try to do better, I promise, but in the mean time I remove my previous request not to be bothered by update messages – feel free! I obviously need the motivation..._

_

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**Darkness**

You and Squalo never did have that conversation about what your former employers had asked you to do.

He didn't apologise for getting you fired.

He didn't thank you for not turning him in.

He didn't tell you what he was thinking about the whole sordid mess at all.

However on the upside, neither did he try to kill you for, you know, the whole considering to betray him thing... Then again, it was entirely possible he didn't realise that, so really that argued in favour of keeping your mouth firmly closed on the matter.

Still, it bothered you. Not knowing. As you lay in your darkened room, watching his sleeping figure, your body tired and sated from your earlier activities, you hadn't been able to keep yourself from wondering. From desperately guessing at what was going through his head.

But later that day, when he dragged your baffled self before a scowling Xanxus and loudly demanded that you be given a job, you knew then that _this_ was Squalo's version of an apology and thank you rolled into one.

And let's be honest, it was a damn sight better than empty words, no?

* * *

_**Omake/Extended ending**_

Xanxus glowered at two of you from his slouched position in his throne-like chair, a crystal tumbler of expensive whisky clasped loosely in hand.

Eyes narrowing defiantly, Squalo crossed his arms over his chest in a mulish fashion.

Feeling like you were caught between a rock and a hard place, you shifted nervously from foot to foot, your gaze flickering back and forth between the two Mafioso.

"Let me get this straight," sneered the Varia boss as he looked down his aristocratic nose at his subordinate, "you want me to hire a fucking cop? Are you _retarded_?"

"VOOI!" snarled an irate Squalo in reply (causing you to wince and edge away from the overly loud man). "I said she's an _ex__-_fucking-cop, you dumbass!"

Xanxus' eye twitched slightly at the comment, before he abruptly ended the conversation by launching his glass of alcohol at the shark's head.

You blinked in shock as you watched your lover fall to the floor in a bleeding, unconscious heap, before glancing back warily in the dark haired psychopath's direction.

Snorting his satisfaction at his aim, Xanxus settled back in his chair, his ruby orbs flickering lazily to rest on you, immediately causing you to stiffen.

"You, woman!" he snapped.

"Uh... yes..?" you ventured, as you eyed him cautiously, ready to run at the first sign of danger (screw Squalo, he could deal with his crazy ass boss by himself!).

"You can start by getting rid of that trash," he ordered with an imperious gesture towards the bloody form of your boyfriend. "And get me another whisky!"

Wait... that was supposed to be a _yes?_

"I'm waiting!"

Letting out a frightened squeak, you immediately ran to complete your new boss's order.

* * *

_Cuz Xanxus is one scary mofo.*Nods*_

_And silly [Name]. Of __course__ a glass to the face means yes! 8D_

_Friglit: Hmm... *looks at Sqaulo suspiciously*_

_Squalo: *Glares menacingly at Friglit* What?_

_Friglt: How come you can dodge ridiculously fast sword thrusts and whatnot, but Xanxus __always__ manages to hit you with his glasses/bottles?_

_Squalo: ... *has no answer*_

_Friglit: ... you're a masochist aren't you?_

_Squalo: D: _

_(It's totally true...)_


	13. Chapter 13: Light

_In answer to the question that some of you have been asking about this series - no need to worry, it's a long way from finished yet! The drabbles will however now be more spread out over the timeline (The next one is a TYL fic)._

* * *

**Light**

You quickly learned that when it came to life in the Varia mansion, that peace and quiet were simply non-existent, what with six, violent, psychotic, emotionally retarded men and their assorted minions all living under one roof. Hell to be honest, if all said psychopaths were actually in, the _last_ thing you wanted to hear was silence. It tended to make you get all twitchy wondering just what the hell was going on.

So with that in mind, you had learned to appreciate whatever small snatches of blissful solitude you could get. Which was precisely why it was that you found yourself nursing a steaming mug of coffee, leaning contentedly on the rail of the ornate balcony that fringed Squalo's bedroom. Basking in the foreign sense of calmness (again something that had rapidly become a sense of the past thanks to dating a hot-headed sword wielding maniac), you allowed your eyes to slide closed, enjoying the warmth that came from the first rays of the rising sun, flooding the area with soft, golden light.

Heaving a happy sigh, you briefly wondered if this moment could last forever.

Clearly God had an appreciation for schadenfreude, because it was at that precise moment that the stillness of the morning was shattered by a painfully familiar cry of "VOOOIIIII" closely followed by several loud bangs, a "Ushishishi"-ing laugh, the sound of glass breaking, a voice snarling the word 'trash' and a series of gunshots.

Taking that to mean that the working day had begun, you heaved a long suffering sigh before downing what was left in your mug and heading for a shower.

* * *

_For some reason I wass really stuck on what to write for this drabble... Oh well, at least the next one is better!_


	14. Chapter 14: Emptiness

_**Dang, I pretty much completely forgot about updating this... Oh well. On the upside I have quite a backlog now so updating should be pretty regular for a while!**_

_**Oh and this one is a TYL fic, just so's ya know...**_

_**

* * *

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**Emptiness **

Biting back a grumble, Squalo irritably changed his position for the umpteenth time that night, trying in vain to get comfortable on the large springy mattress. Turning on his side, the swordman allowed his gaze to slide to the unoccupied side of the bed next to him.

It was so tempting to give in...

No! God damn it. He was commander of the frigging _Varia_, for fucks sake. He was not about to admit defeat over something so pathetic. (If for no other reason than there was no way in hell the others would ever let him live it down if they ever found out...)

Blue eyes narrowing hatefully at the empty space beside him, the shark bared his teeth in a snarl that had made lesser enemies wet themselves, before heaving a low huff and flopping on his back to stare blankly at the ceiling above him.

Determinedly closing his eyes, Squalo prepared himself to fall asleep.

Five agonising minutes later, the silence of the darkened room was broken with a frustrated cry of 'FUCK!' and a poor unsuspecting pillow being hurtled at the far wall in a fit of juvenile fury.

Muttering a string of heart-felt curses, the Varia member tossed the blanket from his body, shoved himself out of bed and stalked out of his room, leaving the door to bang loudly closed behind him.

* * *

Bored eyes swept over the motionless ground before you, lazily scanning the gloom for any sort of disturbance.

Seriously. ANYTHING. If you didn't find something to alleviate the sheer and utter tedium of your post soon, you were going to wind up shooting yourself in the foot, just to have something to do.

It wasn't often you had to do a midnight shift of guard duty (hey, what can you say, apparently dating Xanxus' right hand man had its perks) but _dayum_ that didn't make this anymore bearable.

Letting a soft sigh slip past your lips, you leaned idly against the cold stone wall and let your gaze wander up to the moonlight sky.

**BANG.**

Yanked abruptly from your indolent thoughts, you reacted automatically, swinging round to face the noise while pulling your gun from its holster. On registering the scene before you, you blinked in confusion.

There, framed in the doorway back into the mansion, stood a scowling Squalo, clad only in a pair of silk boxers. He appeared to be dragging one of his Rain Unit subordinates by their hair...

Slowly lowering your gun you gaped at the bizarre scene before you.

"Squalo, what the hell?" you asked, your brow puckering in a confused frown.

Left eye twitching slightly, Squalo tossed his struggling henchman in front of you.

"You're on guard duty," the shark snapped at him as the man scurried to his feet.

"Y-yes sir!" agreed the panting minion shakily.

Grunting his satisfaction, the Rain Unit commander turned his attention back towards you. You weren't even given the chance to open your mouth and demand an explanation before you found yourself hoisted over his broad shoulder.

"Hyyk!"

Allowing the door to swing shut behind him, Squalo made his way back towards the bedroom that the two of you shared, ignoring your outraged protests all the while ("Put me down you stupid shark! I can walk you know!").

Was it his damn fault that the shitty bed was too empty when you weren't in it?

* * *

_What can I say? Somehow, I can see Squalo being a secret cuddler..._


	15. Chapter 15: Strange

_**This one features Ten Years Before (TYB) you! And yes, I know everyone and their dog has done a TYL bazooka drabble, but hell, it's too damn fun to boycott!**_

_**WARNING - lime related activities**_

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**_

**Strange**

_TYB timeline_

Bouncing excitedly on the balls of your feet, your teenage self glanced around the bustling street that you were currently standing in.

Technically you were, at this moment in time, supposed to be with your classmates on a school trip, but seriously, who the hell in interested in a box factory anyway? So instead you had decided to slip away and explore the town for a bit. You'd easily make it back in time to catch the bus home and your teacher wouldn't be any the wiser.

Letting a Cheshire grin break on your face and mentally patting yourself on the back for your cunning, you allowed your eyes to settle on a destination – a cute old fashioned looking Italian cafe. Feeling the need to treat yourself to an aren't-I-great congratulatory cappuccino you started across the road.

As it was, you were so wrapped up in your own little world that you completely failed to notice the scuffle that was taking place at the opposite end of the street between two horn-wearing Mafioso.

"Just let me look at it!" snarled the first as he tried to yank a bulky looking bazooka out of the other's hands.

"I said no! Give it back! You need to be careful with it! It's just a prototype!" wailed the second as he refused to relinquish his prized invention, causing it to be caught in a demented game of tug-o-war.

Both men abruptly froze in horror as there came a distinct 'click'ing noise from the weapon. Two sets of guilty eyes dropped down to watch in growing dread as the weapon began to tremble slightly, the metal case rapidly heating up, before it released a huge **BANG **that sent them both careering backwards and a missile racing up the busy street...

* * *

"_Aah_! Damn-it, Squalo!" you gasped as your lover forcibly ground his hips into yours, only the scanty barrier of your underwear preventing him from taking you the way you so ached for.

Letting out a husky rumble of satisfaction at the sound of your voice, the silver-haired swordsman repeated the motion as he lowered his head to trail nipping bites down your neck, leaving you to writhe in frustration beneath him.

"Stop - _ah_! Stop being such a – _oh God!_ – tease!"

Teeth pressed against the tender skin of your throat as his lips peeled back in a grin.

"Voi," he purred, "since you asked so nicely..."

"Thank fuck!" you groaned as you felt his calloused hand slide up your thigh to divest you at long last of the remains of your clothing...

***POOF***

TYB you blinked dazedly up at the figure hovering above your suddenly prone body as the pink smoke cleared, your hazy mind trying to compute what was going on. While this was happening, Squalo returned the favour by staring down in a mixture of shock and horror at the fifteen year old girl, (clad in a _school uniform_of all fucking things... as if he needed any more hints of how _underage_ she was!), that had replaced the form of his lover.

It was round about then that you recovered enough from the shock of being hit by an explosive projectile to realise a few things.

1) This sure as hell didn't look like the street you were on a minute ago. In fact, it looked a lot more like a bedroom. Which would probably mean you were lying on a bed.

2) There was a strange, older (although admittedly good looking...) guy lying on top of you

3) Said guy was naked

4) And had his hand on your thigh

5) There was something _long and hard_ that you did not want to think about pressing against your leg.

A single small whimper escaped your throat as the two of you continued to blink at each other in bafflement for a few more minutes, before:

"? Get off me you pervert! HELP! RAPE!"

As you shrieked, you struggled out of the shocked man's loose grasp (it may have helped that you were essentially screaming in his ear...) and lashed out with your foot, catching the silver haired male by surprise.

Letting out a howl of agony, Squalo was left rolling around on the bed, eardrums ringing and clutching at his family jewels as your teenage self sprang up from the bed and raced out of the door, wailing about (hot) perverted rapists all the way.

"That's fucking it," the Varia member groaned as he proceeded to curl in on himself in an attempt to ease the pain in his throbbing groin, "I'm going to find the stupid bastard that designed that shitty bazooka and feed him to Rain Shark."

"Slowly."

* * *

**Omake/Extended ending**

As the smoke cleared, the present-day version of yourself, gazed around in confusion at the crowd of onlookers that were staring at you with looks ranging from shock and bafflement, to blatant lust.

It was at that point in time that you remembered you were currently sitting wearing nothing but your underwear and looking like you had just been ravaged (which you _hadn't_ God damn it. And not through lack of trying!). Not really the best way to be seen in the middle of a busy street, all things considered...

"Oh my God! It worked! It actually worked!" an excited voice shrieked from nearby as the owner shoved his way towards you through the astonished crowd. "Excuse me, miss? Can you tell me what year you're from?"

Blinking slowly, your eyes slid from the unfamiliar man's earnest and excited face, taking in the set of horns sprouting out of his curly black afro and the cow print jacket before coming to rest on the bazooka cradled lovingly in his arms.

A muscle in your jaw twitched as you reluctantly registered what must have happened.

Lifting your eyes back up to meet the Bonivo's gaze, you offered him a wide, sadistic smile before promptly punching him in the face.

* * *

**Omake/Extended ending 2**

Grumpily hauling yourself to your feet, you ignored the flailing, bleeding man on the ground in front of you and proceeded to start dusting yourself off.

Suddenly a thought occurred to you, causing you to freeze in your actions. If you were _here_ instead of getting laid like you _should be _because your younger self had been hit by the 10-year bazooka, then that meant...

"Well," you murmured to yourself, with an unhappy sigh. "There goes my virginity..."

* * *

_**Ah [Name], you clearly don't have enough faith in your groin kicking abilities!**_

_**And just to explain; I used the name 'Rain Shark' rather than the italian 'Grande Pioggia Squalo' simply because it looked wierd to have Squalo calling his weapon by a name so like his own.**_

_**I rather think that this is one of my favourite drabble-shots in this series! ^^  
**_


	16. Chapter 16: You Remain the Same

_^^ My reviewers were so lovely from the last chapter I decided to go ahead and post this drabble straight away! Thank you to everyone who took the time to review!_

_Oh and just a quick note on the relationship mentioned here between Squalo and Xanxus - this drabble is written in Squalo's POV and it may sound a bit like he dislikes/resents Xanxus. That's not really the case - I'm of the opinion that these two treat each other like shit (hence Squalo's attitude when talking about him) but actually mean more to and respect each other far more than they let on. So yeah. Ignore any comments Squalo may make which sounds anti-Xanxus (we all know that they are actually just in denial about being madly in love...) _

_This is a TYL drabble_

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**You Remain the Same**

Squalo had always live a harsh life.

Not that he was complaining. That was what made him the man he was today. What had made him strong. And shit, did he look like the kind of nimbi-pambi rich boy that wanted to have the world fawn over him for sitting on his ass?

Fuck no.

What he wanted he would take. That's how it had always been. Everything he had now, he had fought, bled and killed for.

And honestly?

He liked it that way.

Still. The one down side to living in a world where only the strongest survived, is that nothing was _permanent._ People came and went (and by 'went' he usually meant died. Many of them by his sword. But anyway, he was getting off topic). Weapons got bigger. Opponents got stronger. Families rose and fell in power.

Everything was always changing. Existing in a constant state of fluctuation.

And while most of him screamed with excitement at the challenge that offered, part of him (a part that lay deep down, buried under years of repressed emotion, with all those _other_ thoughts and feelings he didn't want to deal with) had to admit, that there was something so damn _exhausting_ about fighting the entire world.

There were very few things he could really depend on in his life.

At one point, Xanxus had been his answer to that. The thing he _could_ count on to always be (because there was no-one out there that could fucking kill that spoilt, lazy-ass boss of his). He could always count on that sneer and greeting of 'Trash'. The well aimed glass to his head for no other reason than Xanxus was bored. The childish tantrums over dinner. The drive and focus to become stronger and take his rightful place as head of the Vongola family. Ever since he had first set eyes on the bastard as a teenager. Hell, if he was honest, that was more than part of the reason he had been so quick to vow his loyalty to the unappreciative prick.

But all that had changed.

First during the Cradle affair. Xanxus had not only lost. That much he could deal with. But the dumb shit had gotten himself _frozen_ for fucking years on end! (Still, Squalo couldn't help but acknowledge that after a while _that_ had become a twisted kind of constant too...)

And then he had finally come back and things had been right again.

Right up until the scramble for the rings. When Xanxus had been beaten again.This time by a barely pubescent brat no less! (Squalo firmly refused to think about how he had also been beaten by a brat in the same contest...).

And then suddenly that was it. No more sneering rants about when he would be Tenth. No more plotting coup de gras. No more hunting for rings.

Don't get him wrong, Xanxus was still the same moody, shitty boss he had always been. And the brats were _far _from off the hook. (God knows the Varia didn't accept their 'claim' to the family). But Xanxus no longer strove to take it from them.

Which really ought to be a good thing, considering Xanxus's predisposition to letting his wounds fester until his bitterness completely and utterly consumed him (case and point: the Cradle affair). But anyway, he was, once again, getting off topic.

The point was, now even Xanxus was changing. And that really threw his whole world perspective.

Oh sure, he could still count on him to be the same emotional retard that expressed his opinion on things by throwing glasses at Squalo (even if said swordsman had nothing to do with the topic at hand) and still affectionately referred to everyone as 'scum', but watching him _grow_ as a person? Yeah. Squalo was pretty sure Hell was freezing over about now...

Which is why he was glad that he now had you.

You had taken over that place (and let's face it, you filled it a damn sight better than Xanxus ever had). You had become the one constant that his life so desperately needed. The rock that his messed up world revolved round.

He knew that when he came in from a job bleeding and exhausted, you would snap at him for being a frigging idiot while seeing to his wounds and running a bath even as you spoke. He knew that when he woke you in the middle of the night for a lustful session you would groan at him for being unable to control his libido, before responding eagerly to his kiss and participating just as readily as he did. He knew that when Xanxus decided to use him as target practice you would laugh at him sulking, before helping him comb the shards of glass from his hair.

Because no matter how many years passed, you would always be his [Name].

***SMACK***

"God damn it Squalo! For the last time you are not taking me up the ass!"

Grumbling under his breath the shark gingerly prodded his flaming cheek as he watched you stalk away in a bad mood.

Yep. Some things would never change.

* * *

_Squalo: VOOOIIII! What the hell was that you said about me and Xanxus at the start of the drabble?_

_Friglit: ; Err... hey look a distraction! *Runs away*_

_Squalo: Hey! Get back here! *Chases while waving sword over head*_

_Xanxus: *sips whisky while watching* Trash..._

_**As always feedback is love. C:  
**_


	17. Chapter 17: Touch

**Touch**

"Oh my Lord! Isn't he just _delicious_!"

Biting back a sigh, you buried your face in your coffee cup as your table mates continued to squeal over passing men.

Sometimes you really had to wonder why you had bothered keeping in contact with your old friends from high school.

Truthfully the three of you hadn't really had much to talk about for years. Hell, you had barely had anything in common back in school to begin with, and then what little there had been seemed to just dry up altogether when you had joined the police force.

And yet, for reasons completely unfathomable to you, they still insisted that you meet at least once a year as was tradition to 'catch up' (read: 'bond' over inane chatter about men/sex/any other clichéd 'girl talk' and expensive coffee. All of which you could do much more satisfyingly with Lussuria anyway...)

At the sudden thought of your flamboyant friend, you allowed a small smile to curve on your lips. Eyes flicking up to rest on your companions, you amused yourself by contemplating how they would react if you actually gave them an honest account of what had happened to you over the last year...

At that idea you had to bite your lip to keep from laughing. Oh god, you could just _see_ their faces when you told them that were not only dating an infamous Mafioso, but actually working for his _famiglia _as well. Snickering into your hand, you briefly lamented the knowledge that Xanxus would skin you if you were to start blabbering about the Varia.

Pity.

"... what do you think [Name]?"

Blinking in confusion as the sound of your name dragged you back from your thoughts, you stared blankly at the expectant faces of your childhood friends.

"What?"

Rolling her eyes at your inattention, the woman opposite you let out a mock sigh.

"We were arguing over what a man's most attractive feature is," she elaborated with a playful smile, "I say you can't beat a gorgeous set of big blue eyes!"

"While _I_ prefer a nice, defined six-pack," chuckled the other occupant of the table. "So, what _do_ you think, [Name]?"

Pursing your lips, you considered the conversation for a moment. What did you find attractive in a guy?

Your mind flitted back to the man you were currently sharing a bed with. What was it about Squalo that you found physically attractive? (It certainly wasn't his winning personality that drew you to him after all...) His 'gorgeous' piercing blue eyes? His lithe, well toned, body, complete with yummy six-pack? His savage, shark-like grin? The silver, silken locks that would make supermodels cry with envy?

"... Hands..." you mused out loud.

"..."

"..."

"... Come again?"

"Hands," you grinned at your former friends. "I find hands attractive."

Said friends continued to stare at your beaming face like you were insane.

"..."

"... right..." the first coughed uncomfortably. "Well... moving on..."

Once again smirking into your cup, you watched as your baffled companions hastily changed the subject, unwilling to find out more about this weird fetish of yours. Which was a bit of a pity really, because you were fairly sure if they knew _why_ hands were such a turn on for you, they would be fan-gasming in the corner.

Say whatever else you like about that loudmouth shark that you were dating, but the guy _really_ knew how to use those, big, skilful, masculine hands of his to drive you wild.

Grinning sadistically to yourself, you took another gulp of coffee as you considered what other things you might divulge to throw your friends of balance.

Perhaps this reunion wasn't going to be as boring as you had thought...

* * *

_**Omake/Extended ending**_

"Remember back in school, [Name] _always_ went for the bad boys!"

"Oh God! I know!"

Raising your drink to your lips to take a sip, you continued to half listen as your two school friends laughed about 'old times'.

"Still, what with her being a policewoman now and everything, it's safe to assume she finally outgrew that phase. Right [Name]?"

"PFFFFFFFFFFFFF!"

"Oh my God, she's choking!"

"[Name]? [Name]? Are you okay?"

"Fine," you wheezed as you got your breath back and decided that maybe, it was time to beat a hasty exit.

* * *

_We all have them... childhood friends that you no longer have ANYTHING in common with, but for reason best known only to God (and your parents), still agree to spend (agonising) time with every so often..._

_Friglit: Hmm, you know it occurs to me that [Name] is quickly developing into a sadist and a pervert... I blame it on hanging around with the Varia too long... ANYWAY, because I think this ficlet was sorely lacking I am once again going to distract you with a little shameless fanservice. *Pulls chord. Curtain opens to reveal a smirking Colonello, glistening in all his naked, baby oiled glory, wearing nothing but army boots, his head band and holding a strategically placed rifle.*_

_Colonello: Hello ladies, kora!_

_Friglit: *Whilst enjoying view from behind* And lads._

_Colonello: And la- wait! What? _

_Friglit: Come now, we can't be discriminatory, now can we? *Smiles sweetly*_

_Colonello: But..._

_Friglit: Do it for your fans, Colo! Do it or I'll set Lussuria on you!_

_Colonello: Hyk! Alright, alright! *grumbles to self* Hello lads and ladies!( ...damn controlling woman, kora...) *begins to sulk*_

_Friglit: **Thanks as always to all my reviewers and please keep comenting! Nothing motivates a writer to update quicker than hearing from her readers! ;D **_


	18. Chapter 18: Piercing

_As always thanks to everyone who took the time to review!_

_**Warning: Drunken smut-tastic activities described below, a very, very bad attempt at dirty talk, and utter crack humour. **_

_**

* * *

**_

**Piercing**

If you had the power to change only one thing about Squalo, then without even having to think about it, you would give him a mute button.

Oh, sure, in a masochistic way, his shrieking could be endearing from time to time (and it was certainly a good way of keeping tabs of his whereabouts), but more often than not, it was really damn inconvenient.

For example, while a bout of passionate, drunken, _noisy_ sex might sound like a fantastic idea, with Squalo it was really more of a liability.

You learned this lesson the hard way after your very first night together.

* * *

_The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the stale air of the dark room as two bodies moved together in a frantic motion, each desperate for release._

"_Oh fuck! Squalo!" you gasped, arching your back under the man that dominated you. "Harder!"_

_The Mafioso let out a loud grunt of pleasure at hearing his name sound so wantonly on your lips, before responding to your plea with an extra forceful snap of his hips._

_The wordless cries that sounded from the two of you increased in pitch as the movements picked up speed, rapidly loosing rhythm and becoming wildly erratic until:_

"_Yes! God yes!"_

_Eyes sliding closed you allowed yourself to get swept away on the tide of your pleasure, dimly aware that your partner was only moments behind._

"_VOOOOOOOIIIII!"_

"_Aaaah! Holy shit!" you yelped, smacking the panting male on top of you as you clutched at your ear in pain, "What the fuck was that! I think you pierced my eardrum you bastard!" _

_

* * *

_

_**Friglit: Because we all know Squalo would be a screamer...**_

_**Reviews make me happy. ^^  
**_


	19. Chapter 19: Raining

**Raining**

It wasn't long after beginning to work for the Varia that you inevitably heard the disastrous (and heavily edited, though you didn't realise at the time) tale of the scramble for the rings.

Naturally when asked about it, you immediately scoffed and simply lamented that the shark hadn't done it's job properly and had instead left Squalo alive to inflict himself on you. Truthfully, however, hearing about the Rain guardian battle had left you in a somewhat ambiguous frame of mind.

On one hand, the knowledge that you had come so close to losing him before you had even the chance to meet the arrogant bastard (and let him thus ruin your career and drag you into a life of crime), twisted your insides into knots and left you feeling remarkably ill.

On the other, when Squalo spoke about this 'brat' that had beaten him (though getting him to admit that was like pulling teeth) there was a kind of fire that burned behind his eyes. A savage joy that lit his face when he spoke of his opponent.

And seeing him like that... well it made your stomach flip for entirely _different_ reasons.

Under normal circumstances, the only time you had ever seen him show that passion was when he spoke of his defeat of Tyr, the old sword emperor and previous head of the Varia, or his future intention to become one himself (or, occasionally, when he spoke of/ fought with Xanxus, but that was a whole other kettle of fish...).

One thing you were certain of, was that whatever else he may be, this Yamamoto Takeshi was someone to be admired. After all, there were very few people in this world that managed to win Squalo's respect. And respect him he did, though he would kill anyone who made the mistake of saying that out loud.

You had wondered about him on many occasions. You had pictured everything from a younger version of Xanxus, to someone closer to the blonde Cavallone tenth. But for whatever reason Squalo seemed really reluctant to pass on any specifics about this guy. Whenever you tried to press he just got really cagey and quickly changed the subject or started a fight.

So far all you had managed to get from him besides a detailed run down of his (limited) sword skills, was that he was younger (as implied by the term 'brat' that he so often used to describe him) and that he was 'an oblivious moron'.

So all things considered, when you heard that _the_ Yamamoto Takeshi was coming to Italy, along with the Vongola Tenth's personal tutor (and infamous hitman) Reborn, and one or two other of the Guardians (Sun, you thought might be one. Lussuria had certainly been squealing something like that earlier) to conduct some important business, it wasn't really that surprising that you happily volunteered to pick them up from the airport.

And that was exactly why you found yourself bouncing excitedly on the balls of your feet at the entrance to the airport some days later as you eagerly looked out for the Vongola representatives.

"[Name], I assume?"

Blinking in surprise you dropped your gaze down to the floor at your feet.

Before you stood a well dressed infant wearing a fedora... with some kind of lizard on top..?

Fortunately, thought caught off guard, your exposure to Mammon had taught you not to be fooled by appearances.

"Err, yes?" you replied in a polite, if uncertain tone as you eyed the newcomer speculatively.

"Ciaossu!" chuckled the child as he tilted the brim of his hat up to flash you a confident smirk. "I'm Reborn. Pleased to meet you."

"Oh!" you gasped, quickly shoving down your surprise at the statement (never before in your life had you been so glad to have become used to Mammon's deceptively childlike form). "Of course! You too! Err..." you broke off glancing around, "where are the others?"

"They should be just behind me."

Right enough, as the chibi hitman spoke, three casually dressed males arrived to stand at his back, clutching their luggage and gazing at you with varying degrees of curiosity and wariness.

You felt your jaw drop as your eyes landed on the group.

Kids. They were all kids. Squalo really hadn't been kidding when he had called them 'brats'.

"Wh-which one is Yamamoto..?" you asked shakily as you tried to compute what you were seeing.

Reborn quirked an eyebrow at your question but answered nonetheless.

"That one," he replied, gesturing to the tall, dark haired boy with the happy, if oblivious smile.

You continued to do your impression of a goldfish for several moments as you studied him.

Clearly having no idea what was going on, but not seeming overly concerned about it, Yamamoto simply grinned back in a friendly manner.

"..."

_This_ was the guy that beat Squalo. They guy that he _respected_?

"BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!"

At least now you knew why it was the damn shark was so reluctant to tell you anything about him... Oh he _so_ was not going to be allowed to live this one down...

* * *

**Omake/Extended ending**

Yamamoto blinked in surprise as the woman before him overcame whatever shock it was at seeing him and began to howl with laughter.

Cocking his head to one side, the baseball fanatic simply grinned wider, perhaps not getting the joke but sharing in the amusement anyway.

After several bemused minutes, the woman finally appeared to pull herself together, straightening up with a wide (and mildly evil, though that was lost on the oblivious boy) grin on her face. Tossing an amicable arm around Yamamoto's shoulders, she proceeded to ask him a question in rapid Italian.

Whatever the question was, it seemed to cause Gokudera to choke...

"Hmm. It appears you've made yourself a friend Yamamoto. [Name] here has just invited us to have dinner with her at the Varia mansion this evening," translated Reborn – currently the only Italian speaker not suffering from an embolism.

The knowing smirk on the infant's face went unnoticed.

"Really?" laughed the brunette, lifting a hand to rub the back of his head self consciously, his grin widening at the prospect of seeing his fellow swordsman again, "sounds great!"

Turning his head, Yamamoto beamed in your direction and gave you a happy thumbs up. You might have come across a little odd, but as far as Takeshi was concerned the two of you were well on your way to becoming good friends.

How could he think anything different when you'd just made such a _nice _offer?

At the wordless confirmation, your evil grin widened exponentially.

* * *

Somewhere in the Varia mansion, a shudder went down Squalo's spine. Looking up with a frown, the swordman began to scan his surroundings. Something bad had just happened... he could feel it...

* * *

_Squalo: *Sulking in corner*_

_Friglit: Ahahah! You got your ass kicked by a kid! :D_

_Squalo: Vooooiiii! If you think __I'm__ bad, you should see what Xanxus lost too!_

_Xanxus: The fuck did you just say, scum!_

_Squalo: Boss... D8 *runs away*_

_Xanxus: Come back here you piece of trash! *Starts shooting at Squalo's fleeing figure*_

_Friglit: *eats popcorn*_

_Bel: Ushishishi! The Prince won __his__ match! _

_Friglit: *nods* Because you're a Prince._

_Bel: Exactly._

**Reviews help feed hungry authors. Be kind ;D**_  
_


	20. Chapter 20: Animal

**Animal**

It was an unusually subdued afternoon in the Varia mansion. Having just finished a spat of virtually suicide missions thrown their way by the 9th, no one really had energy left to spare. Even the subordinates were feeling the strain and moved about their duties in weary silence.

For lack of anything better to do (or perhaps just energy to do it with) the core Varia members (with the obvious exception of Xanxus who, quote 'had seen enough of their shitty faces to last him a lifetime' unquote, and had retreated to his office, and of course the now deceased Gola Mosca) had gathered in the livingroom. Squalo's blue eyes flickered over to the other inhabitance of the room from where he lay sprawled on the couch, lazily observing their actions. Mammon sat idly counting money in the corner, (but it was clear to even the shark that he was simply going through the motions, not really absorbing anything). Lussuria sat propped up in the window seat, his eyes turned to gaze unseeing down at the grounds below. Bel and Levi bickered at the other side of the room over what to watch on the television, but their lethargic voices lacked their usual bite.

Letting out a drained sigh, Squalo allowed his eyes to droop closed...

...Before abruptly snapping them open again as a surprised shriek shattered the silence, swiftly followed by the sounds of several things being thrown/broken and torrent of swearwords.

Still, all in all it wasn't a _wholly_ uncommon occurrence when one lived with Xanxus.

What did make the occupants of the living room sit up and raise an eyebrow or two (after the initial surprise had passed), is that the noise had not come from the direction of the Boss' suite, and that the voice in question had been decidedly feminine...

The swordsman had just about roused the energy to go and investigate when the sound of someone stomping heavily down the hall met his ears.

All of the present Varia members turned their heads expectantly to the door, curious as to who (besides Xanxus, who _always_ retained the ability to throw a tantrum) still had the energy to create a fuss.

The reactions ranged from plain old shock to perverse delight as the door swung open to reveal a dripping, soapy [Name], clad only in a towel barely large enough to cover the essentials.

Squalo himself gapped at you in surprise as his brain desperately tried to decide between pouncing on you there and then, or jumping up and marching you from the leering gazes of his colleagues.

Both notions however, soon fled his mind when your murderous aura permeated the room.

"Squalo," you hissed, your eyes glinting dangerously from behind sudsy locks. "How many times do I have to tell you tell you, _not to leave your damn box-weapon in the bathtub!"_

Punctuating your last comment with a hurled bottle of shampoo, you spun on your heal and stalked back towards the bathroom, leaving the doorway clear to admit an equally wet and soapy, but clearly very happy Rain Shark to swim contentedly through the air to his master.

* * *

_Beware the danger that lurks in your tub!_

_If Rain Shark was my box weapon I would totally use him as a life sized bath toy! XD And yes. The shark is a he. Why? Because I say so._


	21. Chapter 21: Attitude

_This one is a vague follow on from drabble 19 - Raining, which is why Yamamoto is there_

_

* * *

_

**Attitude**

You stared incredulously at the scene in front of you.

Five minutes.

You had left the room for five minutes. And _this_ had happened.

From his position on the floor, Squalo beamed brightly at you.

"[Name]!" he greeted enthusiastically as he climbed to his feet, the expression of good-natured _innocence_ looking so incredibly wrong on his sharp features that you had to resist the urge to shudder.

"...Squalo..."

"Hmm?"

Oh dear god, would he just stop smiling! You swore you could actually see sunbeams radiating from him.

"What the hell _happened!_" you snapped as you gestured to the mess that had once been the common room.

Blinking, Squalo turned to look, taking in the smashed furniture and soot stained walls. At that precise moment a wailing Giannini raced by, closely followed by a shrieking Yamamoto, who appeared to be waving his katana over his head in an oddly reminiscent manner...

"Haha! Oh that! One of Giannini's experiments exploded and me and Yamamoto were caught in the blast. Apparently it did something to our personalities," the now-freakishly-laidback-looking shark grinned.

"You don't say," you intoned dryly.

"Yeah, at least I think that's what he said. I wasn't really paying attention. The kid was pretty upset about it though..."

As if to prove his point, Yamamoto let out a screaming battle cry as he slashed the chair that the "weapons expert" was currently cowering behind.

Your eyes flicked between the practically rabid Yamamoto (who was now laughing manically as he chased his prey) and the happily oblivious (and _still_ smiling) Squalo.

Pursing your lips you contemplated for a moment before coming to a decision.

"Squalo?"

"Yes?"

"You might want to stop the kid from killing Giannini before he can switch the two of you back, because I swear, if you guys wind up stuck like this I am totally going to dump you for Yamamoto."

"Haha! [Name], you're so funny!"

* * *

_*Snerk* the idea of Yama!Squalo cracks me up, almost as much as Squ!Yamamoto ;D I think they might need to make a reappearance at some point_

_Bwahaha! 21 drabbles completed! Only... 100 more to go..._


	22. Chapter 22: Pulsating

Pulsating

Hot, sweat pouring off naked flesh.

Heartbeats pounding in tandem.

Gasping breaths and deep groans breaking the silence of the room.

Desire pulsating through every inch of your bodies.

Lust clouded eyes met as your kiss-swollen lips parted to let out a strangled mewl of pleasure.

Rough hands on sensitive skin, firmly dragging your legs up higher, to allow him better access.

And, oh God! It _was_ better.

Deeper.

Faster.

Harder.

_More._

And then he hit _that spot_ inside you.

And the pulsating desire turned into waves of pleasure wracking your frame.

The soft moans into full throated screams.

The once rhythmic movements jerky and desperate.

And with one last hoarse cry of his name, you surrender yourself to the sensations. Letting the blissful torrent sweep you away as your partner does the same.

_Aaaaand I'm back! Huzzah!_

… _Now I just need to hope I've not lost all my readers… …_

_In apology for my long and random hiatus I'm putting up three drabbles for this at once – hope you enjoy them!_


	23. Chapter 23: If I only could

**If only I could **

You had never put any stalk in the whole 'damsel in distress' cliché. You had always believed in competing side by side with the men.

You were not helpless. Far from it actually. You were a smart woman who happened to be a more than decent shot with a gun and knew how to handle yourself in a bad situation.

And it was those exact traits that made you such a valued subordinate, first in the police force and then later when a certain shark dragged you into the Varia.

But the problem was that no matter how high you climbed on the scale, you could not even hope to measure up to Squalo and the rest of the core members. They were, to put it simply, in a league of their own.

Which is why every time Squalo left through that door on a mission, worry would knot in your stomach and your heart would ache in your chest until he came home again.

Because as strong as you knew he was, you also knew it would only take one lucky bullet to end it.

But as much as you may wish it were otherwise, you also knew that you would never be strong enough to be able to go with him and watch his back.

So instead you did the only thing you could do, and waited and prayed until he walked through that door again.


	24. Chapter 24: Making a deal

**Making a Deal**

One thing that you had been forced to accept early on in your relationship with Squalo was that it was going to be a three-way thing.

Because like it or not, Squalo was Xanxus' wife first. And for better or for worse, he would probably remain so until his dying day.

Oh sure, Lussuria was the one who babied the other Varia members and acted like the 'mother' figure in their demented family, but in actuality, his role was more that of the big sister.

Levi was the oldest son, desperately vying for his father's acknowledgement.

Mammon the passive middle child. One that did no wrong but couldn't really care less one way or the other.

Bel, the spoilt youngest child, always screaming out for attention.

Xanxus was of course, the father. Psychotic, demanding, violent, antisocial, alcoholic of a father figure, but then no-one ever claimed the Varia was well adjusted.

And of course that left Squalo to fill the role of 'mother'.

Because out of all of them, it was _him_ that dealt with Xanxus when he was throwing one of his tantrums (and the resulting glasses/bullets that were aimed in his direction). It was him that rolled his eyes and met his more childish demands. It was him that went with the Varia leader to the training room and took the brunt of his anger when a job went bad. It was him that Xanxus counted on to get things done. The one person that would always willingly be at his side.

Yes. Having Xanxus as a not so silent participant in your relationship was just something you'd been forced to accept. And generally it was something you took with relatively good grace. And as selfish as he was, you suspected that Xanxus too was, in his own grudging way, compromising his schedule a little to allow you your timeshare with his wife (though probably only to minimise the bitching he would have to put up with from said Mafioso).

Every now and then however, your timetables clashed.

Xanxus' red eyes narrowed dangerously at your stubborn stance in front of him, internally lamenting the fact that he didn't have anything close to hand that he could lob at your head.

"I said no, trash!" he snarled as his hands twitched closer to his guns, only loosely resisting the urge to shoot you.

Squalo was (finally) due back from his trip with Lussuria to find and defeat the 100 greatest swordsmen and become a sword emperor.

Needless to say it had been a lengthy trip, and both of you had immediate plans for him upon his return.

Hence the problem.

Now normally under these circumstances Xanxus, being both Boss and a trigger happy psycho, would get his way, leaving you to back off.

But this time however, you were determined to win, even _if_ it cost you a few litres of blood in the process.

There was only so long a woman could go without sex after all. You had needs damn it!

"Hear me out!" you placated the seething male.

Xanxus continued to glare, but you took his silence as permission to continue.

"Think about it, when Squalo gets back he's going to be all grumpy and jet-lagged, and you _know_ how irritating he can be when he's tired. He'd be screaming 'voi' and waving his sword around in _minutes._"

More silence. You were pretty sure that was a good sign.

"So why not save yourself the headache and give him the weekend off to recuperate. By Monday I _promise_ you he'll be more tolerable."

God knows you would be if your plans succeeded. Recuperation? Hah!

Xanxus looked like he was considering your offer. Thank God he'd done enough travelling with his second in command to know the truth to your words (not that you intended on letting that stop you from having your way with him). Now to sweeten the deal. Grinning pleasantly, you pulled out what you had been hiding behind your back.

A bottle of very expensive, very hard to get French cognac.

Sometimes it really paid to be an ex-cop with friends in the customs office.

Red eyes locked on the bottle. You could see the temptation in them.

And now the ___Pièce de résistance_.

"And of course I'd be _more_ than willing to compensate you for the _obvious_ inconvenience you'd be going to by doing all your paperwork for a fortnight."

And that ladies and gentlemen is how to sweet talk a vicious antisocial bastard into giving you what you want.

"A month," he snapped, yanking the bottle free from your unresisting grip and lifting it to study the label in greater detail. "And I want more of this shit!"

"Of course Xanxus-sama!" you cooed as you shimmied out of the room, doing a mental happy dance as you moved.

Meanwhile in your room, sitting innocently next to a bag full of adult goodies you planned to put to use as soon as your boyfriend set foot in the door, was a small paperback book with the name 'Bargaining with Five-year-olds: A stepmother's guide to dealing with your spouse's children.'

Best buy of your damn life.


	25. Chapter 25: Want

_I wanted to thank everyone for all the lovely reviews and also a belated thanks to all those that reviewed this on my haitus. _

_This drabble is a direct follow on from the previous chapter; Making a Deal_

* * *

**Want**

Grumbling to himself under his breath, Squalo shouldered his way through the heavy front door of the Varia mansion and out of the cold night air. Moving gingerly, the newly christened Sword Emperor began to hobble his way down the darkened corridors and towards his bedroom, leaving the gleefully chattering Lussuria and assorted underlings to deal with their luggage.

Thank Christ. Away from the fruit at last. A hot shower and warm bed were sounding pretty fucking good right about now.

But shit... he really ought to report in first.

Pausing in his limping journey, Squalo eyed the door that lead to his room longingly, before turning to glare in the direction of Xanxus' office.

Never mind it being the middle of the night, the bastard would be awake, _that_ was for sure. Prick only ever slept during the daylight hours. Whether or not he was sober though, that was a whole different kettle of fish.

Could he really be bothered to deal with Xanxus tonight...? And was skipping out worth the reaming he'd get tomorrow..?

As the silver haired male stood deliberating the matter, the decision was made for him when the office door was thrown open with an almighty BANG revealing the head of the Varia in all his glowering glory, a bottle of what appeared to be expensive French cognac clutched in one hand.

Biting back an internal curse, Squalo nodded his head in greeting.

"Bossu," he grunted as he eyed the man before him wearily.

Xanxus blinked once in surprise, before his morphed back to its usual haughty distain.

"Out of my way trash!" he snarled, shoving past his startled subordinate and stalking in the direction of his own rooms.

What the...?

Feeling slightly flabbergasted, the shark simply gaped at the retreating man's back.

Well... that was somewhat unexpected. Honestly he'd really thought that Xanxus would have a list of crap for him to do just ready and waiting.

"Squalo, you're back!" purred a familiar delighted voice from the direction of the office that his boss had just vacated.

Blinking in suprise, the Varia Commander turned to scowl suspiciously as [Name] began stalking towards him, a half crazed glint in her eye and a leering grin on her face.

"Voi! What the hell were you doing in there with Xanxus?!" he snapped, his tone coloured with a mixture of exhausted confusion and jealousy.

"Sex now, explanations later," you ordered as you marched over to where he stood, before yanking the surprised man forwards by his belt buckle and meeting his mouth in a demanding kiss.

Squawking his surprise, the shark could only stare dumbly as you proceeded to pull him into Xanxus' office and kick the door closed behind.

Whatever protests he might have had though soon died on his lips as you shoved him into the Boss' throne like chair and dropped to your knees in front of him.

God it was good to be home.

* * *

**Omake/Extended ending**

Several hours later, a very dishevelled looking Squalo glanced blearily around the mess that the two of you had made of the office, ignoring your happily snoozing form beside him.

There were important documents scattered all over the floor, the booze cupboard had been raided of anything drinkable and there were suspicious stains on every available surface...

Xanxus was going to kill him. Dead.

Forget his guns, the man was going to tear him apart with his _teeth_.

Maybe now was a good time to find a new job... wasn't Callavone looking for people..?

**BANG**

Oh shit.

Squalo slowly turned to face the door, like a man approaching his death.

In it stood Xanxus, a look of disbelief frozen on his face as he took in the carnage of his work space.

"Uh..." began Squalo as he floundered for an explanation.

Xanxus's left eye began to twitch.

"Scum," he rasped as his hand began to glow an ominous red.

Oh _shit_.

* * *

The itch that had been plaguing her for months finally scratched, [Name] smirked to herself as she watched her Boss attempting to massacre her lover.

Oh yes, it was good to have him home.


End file.
